The divorce has been final for a few months. I’m not going to pretend it was easy. There have been definite hits, including when our son found out his dad had been dating someone before we were divorced. It’s been VERY hard on the kids, especially during a dang pandemic.
So I have been learning to take care of a house and kids and dogs on my own. I have successes, and I absolutely fail. Thank goodness I can laugh and get back up. I like it now. I get frustrated and overwhelmed sometimes, but I very much am grateful for the peace. I like making decisions that no one else will question. I do not miss his jabs and then laughter to try to smooth over something he never should have said by pretending it was a joke. So, I’m healing. I am proud of where I am.
But last week a friend challenged me to post on a dating site. I laughed. Hell no. No way that is a good idea, and boy, I was not wrong. What the heck? How do so many guys think women like some of this stuff? So I was definitely feeling vindicated and right until…there was this match. The guy was cute and lived nearby, so I replied and decided to talk for a minute. It seems we had a three hour long phone call and well, even that was comfortable. How is this possible? Isn’t this too soon?
I feel like this is all a ramble to say that I feel healthier than ever and am still learning and growing. I feel crazy to feel any hope at all for a relationship with a guy I met two days ago on a dating app. I feel scared to be vulnerable again. However, the scariest thing? I feel hope. And damn if that just doesn’t make me want to cry in advance of the hurt that is sure to follow.