The End? The Beginning?

February 15th he is moving out. I know I should feel happy, relieved. What I feel is deep sadness. I’m grieving for a life I thought I had…what I had hoped for. I’m heading to the lawyer next week and preparing for the grief my kids will now face.

I don’t know what to do with it all. I feel like I will never feel secure or safe. I feel scared to death. 25 years is a long time to be with someone. Now, I have no backup. I feel like I’m free falling and there is no escape from it. I wish I knew that I was not making a mistake. I wish I knew that I will one day feel happiness again. I wish I trusted people or believed in genuine goodness again. I have learned more than I ever wanted to about loss, addiction, betrayal.

I’m very tired. I don’t know how long I can keep this up. If you have a positive story, please feel free to share in the comments. I know I could use it. Perhaps someone else could, too.

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