I really hate when something in the present triggers things from the past. My sister is having a baby. It brings up all of the memories of mine, which should be amazing, right? Yet, in the background are the memories of the OW holding my baby girls and taking their first photos. I had no idea what all had gone on and what was to come.
To add to that is the memories of what happened when I lived where she is living. I moved there to be closer to her. To family. In the end, I could not get any of the support I so desperately needed, and our relationship feels surface. In fact, it probably always will be, though I can hope it will change. I don’t see how to ever share with her the depths of my feelings or my pain. When you share that with someone and every time you do, they tell you to “just be positive,” it absolutely is not helpful. No, I don’t want to wallow in this pain forever, but I sure want to grieve the reality of what is, the loss of a complete family and a partner. I think the fact that we are still living together is just adding to it all. I’m so tired of hurting. So strange that her going into labor is bringing up all of this, isn’t it? Shouldn’t a new birth=a new life. Gosh, I sure wish it was that easy.