A Shift

It has been a while since I have updated you on my life, and I am taking a minute out today to share that I have finally landed a job. It has many good qualities, and I feel a sense of relief that I am now able to start to save toward a divorce.

Yet, as I’m sensing some of you may understand, there is this huge sense of sadness and loss. There is a fear that I will always be alone and that he will hurt the kids more by his choices. I know he will quickly find a new partner, as he is now back on Facebook–a huge part of his cheating. I’m mourning what I thought my life was and would be. Mostly, I’m mourning the loss of time with my kids. I wish there was any other way. I want to escape at the same time as I want to hold on to the kids as long as possible. It is a losing situation.

Still, I’m now beginning a new chapter in my life. I am afraid I will not be enough in my now position and that this divorce and pain will hurt my job performance. I have an hour commute, and I am so worried I will be late. It’s crazy the things we talk ourselves into. For now, I’m trying to take one thing at a time, so I am going to spend some time hopefully making new friends and getting settled into the new role. Then I will need to come up with all of the money to even file. It all feels so exhausting and too much to do. I will NEVER understand how people can cheat and not consider the consequences of their actions–especially to the kids.

For those of you who have taken the leap, what made you finally do it? How hard was it to just get in there and file? And if you were able to come to an agreement and not go after each other in court, was that an easy process?

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