I think it’s all just crashing down around me lately. I’ve had six interviews…no job. I feel like I do not have a purpose and I certainly am not able to get myself out of this situation without work.
It’s funny. I promised myself I’d never be in this situation. I said I’d never be dependent on a man, and I took a risk for the first time in my life, and SLAM. Yep. Stupid me.
What is almost more hurtful than all of his betrayal is the silence from those I thought were close to me. They do not check in and they do not likely want to really know how bad I am doing. Someone today, who I am sure was well meaning, told me it was time I stood up for myself. I guess that all these interviews and planning and stress aren’t me trying to do just that. I suppose that moving back to my home state after only seven weeks is not doing that either. Ugh. I’m in a dark, bad place.
It all came crashing down two days ago, when I found out I did not get a second interview for my dream job. I sobbed my way through that and picked myself up. I had another interview a few days later, so I prepped and thought through all of the questions. I was ready. Ah, today, I find out through a listserv post that the position is going to be reposted. Don’t you think they should notify those they aren’t giving the job to first before they repost? Isn’t that the human thing to do? What is worse is that my friend works there and was the post originator. I guess she won’t be going to bat for me to get the position…
I’m tired. I hate what my life has become and I certainly do not want to work a minimum wage job when I have all of these stupid degrees. I’m hurting and I just do not want to try anymore. I do not care. What is the point, when time after time I get one “no” closer to a retail job? I hope that when I post next, I have something to add to this that is more positive; however, I am not feeling good and I am scaring myself a bit.