It’s funny. I always think positively, and then I feel like I’ve been slammed with depression. It’s frustrating and exhausting.
Do you feel like you are constantly having crazy mood changes? I feel like I can’t even get a handle on where I am most days. I do know that I am lonely. You never realize how much you become so comfortable with having someone to share your day with. I certainly took it for granted, though if I were being honest, he obviously took me for granted. I miss the daily sharing and knowing that I had someone to watch my back. However, what is so disturbing and such a mindfuck is that I actually didn’t have him watching my back. I mean, in the end, he stabbed me in it. It still takes my breath away.
I am sitting here just accepting that this is where I am right now. Right now, I am sad and grateful for small things. Right now, I am finally taking small steps forward. Right now, I am grieving for the loss of my marriage and for my kids’ pain at our upcoming divorce. Right now, I am lonely and wonder if I will ever be able to trust again.