Friends or Acquaintances?

Lately, I’ve been wondering a lot about those I have considered to be friends. Since I had several very difficult life events occur (2nd dday, head-on car collision, loss of career), I thought that my past colleagues would reach out to me. Only one really has. They do not even text a quick, “Wondering about you.”  It’s as if I was nonexistent the 15 years I was there and all the times I supported them.

I guess I am a person who checks on others. Even if they don’t have time to reply, I figure they know I’m thinking of them and I care. Yet what is so incredibly hard and hurtful is that in the loss of my marriage, I feel so alone and really need others. Normally, I’d go to work and keep busy, but I’ve lost that, as well. I am wondering if all adults go through this. I’m clear we get immersed in our own crazy lives. I know that I’m in some crazy low in my life where everything is going wrong at once. I just thought that would have brought more support.

Is it that I have a lot of work to do on myself? I feel rather comfortable on my own. I’m grieving my husband’s inability to stop choosing other women. I’m grieving the dream I had of an intact family for my kids. But I like who I am for the most part. I don’t mind the woman I am.  It’s not like I am not aware of my shortcomings, but I’m definitely a good person and that matters. I’m smart and witty and I love learning.

I couldn’t sleep. It’s brutal knowing your husband is on the couch and refuses to move out, therefore slowing down your healing and acceptance.  But somehow, it’s the loss of these people I thought were such good friends that cuts the deepest.

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2 Responses to Friends or Acquaintances?

  1. I, personally, am very much an introvert. I don’t trust people, I keep a very small circle, and I don’t share what I feel could be used against me. Ever. I shared my d-day with one person. Someone I trusted. Someone I felt shared my values and morals and faith. I cried to her and threw up in her bathroom when I fell apart.

    Fast forward to 5 weeks later and she no longer spoke to me. It has been 2 years and I still don’t hear from her. She lives 2 houses away from me.

    I think that people either don’t know how to deal with the aftermath, similarly to when someone loses a child or something like that. Or, they don’t agree with the handling of it.

    For me, she stressed leaving him. I went to the church and sought counseling and direction from leadership, she even went with me to get guidance the first time. But, apparently she doesn’t agree with me staying. So, she is no longer my friend. And I am even more isolated than ever before.

    Like

    • I am so sorry that happened to you. It is hard enough to share our feelings and pain with someone else, let alone to feel hurt and to lose them as friends. I wish we all could know each other in person. Perhaps we’d feel less isolated and create quite a supportive community. Hugs to you.

      Liked by 1 person

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