I am feeling flat lately.
Before dday: I felt comfortable, relatively happy in my life and trusted that even though we were incredibly busy with three kids (two babies), that as time moved on and that season of my life changed, our marriage would become stronger.
Now: I feel this sadness most days. I kind of hate reality. I see cheating everywhere…on tv, in novels, at work, on the news. I hate that we glorify it and make it all about “love” and the wife or husband that is standing in the way. For the love of Pete…have some integrity. No person wants to be blindsided by this crap. Feel free to go and don’t let the door hit you on the ass, you know?
I think I am just flat. I am tired. Tired of trying to work on my crap and tired of working on marriage crap and tired of all of the triggers and everything that goes with this reality–this life I never chose.
So even though nothing “bad” is happening and even in the midst of all of the therapy, I feel so crappy about my life. I guess, as my therapist says, I need to find a way to reframe things in my mind. But honestly, I’m looking for one kernel of good to grab onto, one sign that things won’t be like this at home and at work forever. Just something to get me through, you know? I am terrible with the negative self-talk, and I just cannot seem to make myself see the good. I really am trying.