Flat.

I am feeling flat lately.

Before dday: I felt comfortable, relatively happy in my life and trusted that even though we were incredibly busy with three kids (two babies), that as time moved on and that season of my life changed, our marriage would become stronger.

Now: I feel this sadness most days.  I kind of hate reality.  I see cheating everywhere…on tv, in novels, at work, on the news.  I hate that we glorify it and make it all about “love” and the wife or husband that is standing in the way.  For the love of Pete…have some integrity.  No person wants to be blindsided by this crap.  Feel free to go and don’t let the door hit you on the ass, you know?

I think I am just flat.  I am tired.  Tired of trying to work on my crap and tired of working on marriage crap and tired of all of the triggers and everything that goes with this reality–this life I never chose.

So even though nothing “bad” is happening and even in the midst of all of the therapy, I feel so crappy about my life.  I guess, as my therapist says, I need to find a way to reframe things in my mind.  But honestly, I’m looking for one kernel of good to grab onto, one sign that things won’t be like this at home and at work forever.  Just something to get me through, you know?  I am terrible with the negative self-talk, and I just cannot seem to make myself see the good.  I really am trying.

 

This entry was posted in infidelity and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Flat.

  1. I feel the same way. Sending you hugs!!!

    Like

  2. It would irritate me if someone just told me to reframe/restructure my perspective.

    For all those cheating, drooling husbands out there, I recently met a couple of the epic proportion. Their love was obvious and shiny, and genuine. There was so much care and concern out there, that it told me that this IS possible. These kind of couples TOO exist.

    And I feel farther-est from being any half of that kind of couple right now.

    The disillusion is real, and you are rightly feeling it.

    One of things I kept muttering to my husband after he admitted was the one line he spoke to me when our son was finally shifted to my hospital room from the NICU. He had said, holding the infant – “Now our day good days are coming”.

    How could he stab me that way, if he had promised me better days.

    I am ears if you want to yell.

    Please take care.

    Like

    • Gosh yes…and knowing that they DO exist and that that is not my reality? That feels so darn brutal. It’s not that things have not become so much better. It is the reality of the past–maybe catching up to it in my mind.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s