Do you speak those words to yourself? Stand in front of your mirror and say them out loud over and over. My gosh, I hope you believe them. In the midst of all of this, I think we lose that belief. We compare and we wonder, “Why wasn’t I enough for him/her not to cheat?” “Why wasn’t our marriage enough?” The stark reality is that we ARE enough. We have always been enough. These horrible choices our spouses/significant others have made had NOTHING TO DO WITH US. They certainly have a lot of work to do to figure out why truth, love, family, and frankly, the reality of a beautiful life was not enough for them, but that is not our work.
Our work is to rebuild ourselves. We must dig deep and find the strength that is buried there to move forward, to know that no matter what, we will be ok–even amazingly wonderful. I am slowly getting to this point, and for the first time in two years, I have moments of peace. This journey requires us to put our oxygen masks on first and to stop trying to save our marriage or fix our husbands. It means doing things for ourselves–getting a manicure, meeting a friend for coffee, seeking out a therapist or spiritual advisor, taking walks, writing in a journal, making time for meditation, getting a luxurious massage, or really being present in the moment with your kids. You see, somehow in all of this, we lost ourselves. We have questioned who we are. It is time we find out. You know those times when you have curled up in a ball and have been wracked with sobs? When you have said to yourself, “How did I not know? How can I survive this? Can I stay? Am I betraying myself for trying? Am I strong enough to leave?” THIS IS YOUR TIME. We owe them nothing. We owe ourselves everything. We must know who we are and why we are making the choices we make moving forward. To do that, we must allow ourselves the gift of time.
Oh, I know. You don’t have TIME. You must know the answers immediately. You have kids. You have to work. You can’t even get out of bed, so how can you figure this crap out? The same way you have lived through anything else. You take one small step toward YOU. Ten minutes. Give yourself ten minutes.
Thursday is my two year Dday. Certainly, I have a lot of painful memories to process. After a bit of dread, I realized it was my chance to be gentle with myself. I took a personal day today, friends. I have a full, glorious day of time. Guess what I’m doing? I’m in a perfectly quiet house. I’m watching rated R movies! I’m painting my nails (I haven’t done this in months!). I’m going to take myself to lunch. I’m going to read–uninterrupted! I’m going to spend time NOT THINKING ABOUT THE AFFAIR. You know what? I am so excited to do this for myself. I promptly dropped my kids off of school and feel so free. This day? It is for me. Honestly, we deserve this and so much more. It is never wrong to take care of ourselves when we know things are particularly hard, yet as women, we tend to fight it. Give yourself some wonderful, juicy moments of time today. Comment and share what you will do for yourself today. Come on, you can do it!